The way people communicate today has become almost entirely texting, social media, e-mail and the occasional phone call (in that order). Outside of work, how many actual “social,” phone calls do you make daily? One? Two? I’d speculate for most the answer is zero. How many times do you check your social media feed? How many minutes or hours have you spent endlessly scrolling on Facebook or Instagram? Don’t worry, it’s rhetorical, but I’m sure it’s a lot. I won’t deny it, even I openly admit most of the time it’s just so much easier and more convenient to text rather than call. You probably have something small to ask or comment about that doesn’t warrant an entire conversation, or more likely you’re too busy with your daily mundane tasks that you’ve given more value than the relationships in your life. There are a million other excuses, some justifiable, most lame and selfish. I’m certainly not advocating every message warrants an immediate response, but honestly people, where the fuck is the etiquette anymore?

Like texting, we all have e-mail, right on our phones, in our pockets, next to our faces, all the time. So why is there absolutely ZERO etiquette about responding to them, when I know God damned well you’ve read it? At what point does a complete lack of response warrant any kind of backlash? I e-mail all the time, it’s that perfect intermediary between a long, awkward phone call and a one-line text that may or may not be answered promptly either. Again, whether our excuses are justifiable or not, let the bold venture forward toward progress and for the first time lay down some proper ground rules about our desperately needed, new social etiquette. Most importantly, let’s all say “NO!” to never responding again! I’ve laid out a few simple rules to follow, to avoid being a complete social asshole:

 

Don’t ghost people

– There is never an excuse for a complete lack of response. If you flat out just never respond to a text or e-mail, you’re a fucking asshole, plain and simple. We are all busy, we all have lives, but when you haven’t responded to my message and I see your cute comment on my other bestie’s IG account, go suck a D.

Respond reasonably based on the request

– There is an appropriate response time based on the form of communication. If an e-mail has an RSVP date, respond by that date. If it needs an affirmation because a cash deposit needs to be placed, for the love of God be thankful you’re not planning the shit and just reply already. If it’s a simple “how do you do?” or witty joke text, it’s certainly not urgent, but short of being on vacation, can we agree that a response time of 24hrs or less is adequate for pretty much everything?

 

Stop making excuses for being a C U Next Tuesday

– I don’t care if you were busy at work, have explosive diarrhea, or your in-laws are squatting at your pad for a month, just respond and let me know. Don’t think people don’t see through your excuses and lies, so just be honest. If the truth is too painful, is it really too much to ask for one minute of your precious time to say “sorry, swamped right now, I’ll get back to you later this week.” In fact, that can actually buy you an appropriate day, or even week to prepare for a thoughtful, meaningful interaction next time you communicate.

Just find the balls to say “no”

– For some reason it’s even harder for people to say no than it is to just treat them like they don’t exist. This needs to stop. Forget about ‘likes’ for a minute, because trust me, I like you a hell of a lot less if I never hear an answer from you and just have to guess if our lives are a show of Lassie and you’ve fallen down a well again.

If I’m not that important to you, don’t pretend like I am

– This one’s simple, if we’re not that good of friends or you’ve been pretending to like me, keep not responding, because you’re already halfway out of my contact list anyway. Furthermore, not everyone needs to be a super close friend. It’s okay to just be acquaintances with most people.

 

Get some organization already, you selfish bastards

– I attribute most people’s lack of proper text and e-mail responses to their lack of having their own shit together, however, it’s still not a good excuse. We all know that person that’s always late or their car is filthy and filled with trash, or the minute they get a girl or boyfriend they disappear entirely. Yep, most people are flat out a disorganized mess in their lives, so how can I expect a response to my e-mail when they can’t even make it to dinner on time? Simple, because it’s the polite thing to do. If the whole world stopped to wait for you to get your life together, no one would ever be your friend, so take thirty seconds and hit me back, it isn’t my fault your life is one of these…

 

It’s never too late to say you’re sorry

– I’ll admit it, I’ve been a dick as well just like most of you and shirked off a call, text, or e-mail. This isn’t some preachy Alcoholics Anonymous request that you ‘make amends,’ I’m simply stating the word “sorry,” (if properly and genuinely expressed) carries wonderful healing powers, no matter how late it arrives.  All I’m asking is that we all, myself included, take a little accountability for being socially selfish and inept. I’m sorry, you should be too.  Even this creep had the guts to apologize…although I’ll pass on that backstage pass…