Hawaii is great. You have all the plusses of a tropical island vacation without even needing a passport. No currency exchange, no laws or customs to learn, just pure enjoyment for people of all ages, as long as you know how to do it right. Whether you’re looking to bump up those ‘likes’ by jazzing up your Instagram or blog photos (wink, wink), get wasted on Mai Tai’s and other assorted drinks with Pineapple garnish, watch your children swim with dolphins, or strap on your fanny pack and troll the beach with your new metal detector, Hawaii says, “Aloha!” and welcomes you with open arms. It also probably leaves you with empty pockets. But fuck it, right? That’s vacation.

Each island of Hawaii offers it’s own special treasures and it’s one of the few places in the world I can visit again and again without ever feeling bored. Oahu offers action, but feels akin to visiting a city like San Francisco on a nicer beach, with a few more prostitutes. Maui is great – I specifically love Kaanapali for it’s beaches, but over the years many complain about it’s overcrowding of tourists. The Big Island of Hawaii boasts beautiful resorts you never have to leave, pristine golf courses, black sand beaches, volcano hikes, and lush waterfalls (on the Hilo side), but is large, spread out and more equipped for families and retirees. I’ve only seen Molokai by helicopter, and its gorgeous waterfall filled cliffs are a sight to be seen for sure, but an actual visit to the island offers little to the average tourist, except a trip to the Leper colony. That’s right, there are still actual Lepers. Not exactly what you think of when someone says, Hawaiian vacation. For me, Kauai offers a little of everything, and could easily be called a favorite island to visit, as long as you don’t mind going to bed by 9PM, you party animal!

Having explored the entirety of the island, it’s safe to say Poipu is the place you’ll want to call home during your trip. It offers the islands best weather, raining far less than Princeville, on the North Shore. All your basic needs of shopping, snorkeling, dining, beach going and more, are either a walkable distance or short car ride away. You’ll want to rent a vehicle to maximize ease of exploring the island, and I also highly recommend finding a nice AirB&B for half the cost of the mainly overpriced and outdated hotels in the area.

PROS: more space and a much nicer accommodation than hotels in the area; around half the price; more privacy.

CONS: no direct access to a pool; short walk or drive to the beach.

 

ADVENTURE:

So, you’re determined not to be lazy you’re entire vacation. You need some awesome pictures for your social media threads? Well, I’ve got you covered:

Drive to the North Shore

If you’re not staying up there, you should definitely dedicate a day to make the drive to the North Shore of the island. I recommend going as far as you can go, ending your day at Ke’e Beach. Park and hike around, cool off in the treacherous surf, or soak in the beautiful views of beach and jungle all around you. For those planning ahead or insanely fit, why not venture the 11.6-mile (one-way) hike through the jungle to the Na Pali coast, on the Kalalau Trail? You need tons of water, camping gear, and I’ve been told, a pre-attained permit to actually do the hike (which may be false), so if you’re one of those EXTREME a-holes, be prepared and plan ahead, or just do like normal people do and enjoy a little bit of the hike before wisely throwing in the towel.

A little over halfway to your end destination, be sure to stop in at the St. Regis Princeville Resort to really appreciate the stunning views and lavishness of this five-star resort. Snap your pics on the terrace before taking two elevators down to the swanky pool and private beach. Unlike most hotels on the island, you can get a day pass to the pool here to enjoy all the amenities, or just do what I did and stop by for an hour to stroll the beach, take in the scenery and continue on your journey. Serious surfers can catch some BIG waves here at the right time of year.  Cue the gratuitous scenic shot taken from behind to look deep in thought…

Continuing on, admire the scenic rice fields before stopping for lunch in Hanalei at any number of restaurants that serve fresh, delicious surf and turf. Stop by The Dolphin for some great fish tacos or fresh sushi, or continue further down the road, past a couple one-lane junctions, before reaching Sushi Girl Kauai, a small shack serving up Sushi burritos (that are in my opinion trendier than they are tasty)…but that’s your call to make, they’re definitely not bad.

Next stop, the Maniniholo Dry Cave at Haena Beach, pop in for a quick look. You’ll exhaust your interest after a quick walk inside. However, venture back across the road and hit the beach where you’ll find one of the best stretches of sand on the island. It’s truly one of the most beautiful beaches I’ve ever been to with perfectly formed waves crashing the shore and seemingly endless stretches of perfect sand set among a gorgeous jungle backdrop. I’m a beach lover and could easily spend all day here, despite the small gathering of local vagrants that camp at the adjacent park here. Load up on your Instagram shots here, but don’t expect a perfectly isolated beach view without a little editing or clever camera placement.

Venture a half mile ahead to Ke’e Beach as mentioned before, to end your one-way trip, before heading home. If traffic is light, you’re in for a mere 1 to 1.5 hour trip each way, although back in April, traffic was horrendous and took me closer to 2 or 2.5 hours to get back to the Poipu area.

 

See the Na Pali Coast

You can only view the scenic Na Pali Coast by boat or helicopter, so take your pick, air or seasick. I did the helicopter tour of Molokai, which was spectacular, so I can only imagine that’s the ideal way to do this as well, as your vantage points are unrivaled, you fly directly into canyons, up to waterfalls, and can even book rides in a chopper without doors for more of an adventure and unblemished photos. We took the boat. There were pros and cons, depending on what kind of traveler you are.

There are a ton of companies offering Sunset or snorkel tours to the Na Pali Coast. Our tour was widely known as one of the swankier on the island, the Na Pali Sunset Cruise through Capt. Andy’s tour company. Our boat, the Northern Star was an immaculate, four year old, 65’ Catamaran, with climate controlled closed indoor cabin and the largest, cleanest boat bathrooms I’ve ever seen. The crew of five, our Captain, Chef, Bartender, and two deck hands were all polite and personable and made for a pleasant experience. The boat was large and spacious enough for all, although they seemed to pack the ship with about ten too many people, in my opinion – not quite enough that people were fighting over where to sit or stand, but not few enough that everyone could enjoy the best views or seating at their leisure. The trip was 4 ½ hours long, which felt about 45 minutes too long to me, and about three hours too long to my dad and brother who were feeling seasick and nauseous most of the trip. There’s no denying the seas are pretty rough for most of the journey, and while the dinner of filet mignon and shrimp was surprisingly tender and tasty, you just don’t ever fully feel comfortable eating as your slowly troll the rough waters. I love all boats and boating adventures, but they’re definitely not comfortable for everyone, so be wary if seeking out this day trip, and take with a grain of salt the ‘can not be missed,’ you’ll hear from trip peddlers.

The Captain blared enough interesting ‘tour-guide’ facts throughout the journey to keep it interesting, but not so many that you wanted him to crash into a reef, and the views were pretty spectacular the entire time, especially when we finally reached the over-four thousand foot jagged cliff walls at the end (the private beach, reached only by that insane 11.6 mile hike from Ke’e Beach). Enjoying the sunset before arriving back to port was obviously serene and beautiful, but honestly could be better enjoyed from land, with the numerous west-facing scenic spots along the island. Overall, a solid experience, but for $150 a head, I’d probably just fork out a little extra cash for the Helicopter tour.

 

Kayak and Waterfall Hike

While there are undoubtedly a number of these adventures on the island, I highly recommend the tour we took through Outfitters Kauai, located next to the PADI Dive shop near the roundabout in Kaloa. Our guide, Kapono, was friendly, funny, and a wealth of local knowledge and folklore. They drove us about forty minutes back to the Wailua River, where we departed in tandem Kayaks, two miles up the calm, scenic river, before venturing out on a mile and a half hike into the jungle, through grasslands, across thigh deep streams, through muddy ravines ultimately reaching Wailua Falls or Secret Falls (on Google Maps), an awesome 120 foot cascading waterfall, with a chest-high pool of frigid mountain water to swim in below. After an hour or so to enjoy a jungle lunch surrounded by ravenous wild chickens and roosters (beautiful descendants of Filipino fighting cocks!), and a quick dip in the falls, we hiked a mile and a half back before finishing with another 2 miles of kayaking, now against the wind, to round out the solid, adventurous, and tiring day. It was definitely a highlight of the trip and something to be enjoyed by anyone with even a mild sense for adventure.  Here I am in all my glory…

 

Waimea Canyon (Hiking)

“The Grand Canyon of the Pacific,” is pretty much perfectly described as such by the locals. From Poipu, a quick 30-40 minute drive takes you to the Waimea Canyon Lookout. Careful to avoid the massive tour busses of senior citizens being shuttled in here, seemingly every thirty minutes, before climbing the mole hill to overlook the beautiful Waimea Canyon. You have to stop here, but really only need a few minutes to soak up the view, get your snaps, and get the hell out, there’s better adventure to be had here.

Continue driving Northwest until you reach the next big scenic overlook turnout, Pu’u Hinahina Lookout. Park and get ready for an amazing hike along the Waimea Canyon Trail, which takes you out to the huge waterfall you viewed from a distance before, Waipo’o Falls. Depending on the weather (heat and humidity), the hike can be pretty brutal and is not for small children, the elderly, or anyone with any injury or medical conditions. The whole thing is 3.8 miles, which may not sound far, but it’s entirely down or up most of the way, and is pretty grueling by the end (a solid mile straight up).

The important part of the hike is to continue past the official end of the trail, and navigate your way down to the “secret” pools above the waterfall. You’re actually at the mid-way point of the falls, but when you reach the first small pool of water, keep hiking. Do not continue up, but rather, traverse your way down, through somewhat unkempt reeds. It won’t feel right, but trust me, keep going. You’ll eventually wind back around and down to another, better set of pools, directly atop the greater part of the waterfall. The views are epic, and you can wade or swim in the frigid water to cool off, or simply enjoy the scenic pay-off to your moderately difficult hike.  Whatever you do, bring a bestie because it’s time to show off your best blogger pose!!

R&R SUGGESTIONS:

Take a stroll to the Sheraton Kauai Resort where you can rent beachfront Cabanas or poolside Bungalows for $100-150. You have access all day, 8AM – 5PM, so you’re not short changed and can access their average quality pool, decent food and drink, and the beautiful but small, Kiahuna Beach, boasting white sand and refreshing body or regular surfing.

Park in the free local lot at Poipu Beach next to the Marriott’s Waiohai Beach Club for a solid afternoon of beach lounging, people watching, and snorkeling or swimming. There’s a large grass park there as well if tossing around the Frisbee is more your cup of tea. There’s no cover from the harsh sun, so rent a beach umbrella (or two) from the beachside hut and post up on lush white sand and work on your tan, or hide in the shade. Careful wading into the rough shore breaking waves, and wear snorkeling fins or water socks before venturing over to the sandbar as I’ve cut my feet both times going here on the jagged lava rocks that are difficult, and embarrassing to navigate in front of the above-average looking visitors to this beach. Snorkel for an hour or two, but careful of the strong rip-currents and (again) pointy lava rock. There’s a decent variety of fish, coral, and sea-life near the rocky areas and the fish are social. The water gets crowded at times, but there’s plenty of area to explore without being bothered.

By now you’re hungry, but options are limited, so do yourself a solid and cozy up at the Marriott pool bar and have yourself some average, at best, food and an above-average Piña Colada. The presentation sucks, but the perfect consistency and ice-cream mix makes for one outstanding Piña, and I know Piñas! Or, stagger over to the local market, past the parking lot by the park, for a significantly cheaper, microwaved burrito option, complete with “we don’t like tourists even though they sustain our local business” attitude.

 

 

DINING GUIDE – 2017

I’m somewhere in-between foodie and fatty, neither snob nor slouch when it comes to fine dining. That being said, here are my recommendations on where to stuff your face during your stay in Poipu:

 

BREAKFAST:

Options are limited, unfortunately, but the few spots available are actually pretty damn good for breakfast:

 

In a small strip mall housing Keoke’s, (which is a decent spot itself for lunch), you’ll find the tiny but tasty Anuenue Café, serving up a tasty variety of breakfast options. Acai Bowls to Macadamic Nut Pancakes/Waffles or more traditional egg breakfasts and benedicts offer a variety of ways to gorge your gut before the day’s adventures. Check out their menu.  The place is pretty tiny, offering mainly two-seater tables strewn between the ‘standing room only’ care where you place your order, and a local juice bar. Dining is strictly outside, next to the on looking chickens and fellow tourists. The place gets slammed and doesn’t take reservations, so get there early, put your name on the list, and make sure you’re within ear-shot or you’ll be passed over before you can say Hunu-hunu-nuku-nuku-apu-aa. It doesn’t quite warrant the 4.8 star rating on Yelp, but it’s solid nonetheless. 8/10

 

About a fifteen minute drive from Koloa, on your way toward Waimea, definitely stop to dine at the Kalaheo Café & Coffee Company. Again, breakfast options are slim in Kauai, so the place gets slammed, but finding a table should be no problem, even for larger parties. The place is part coffee shop, party bakery, and part diner, offering the best of everything you’ll be wanting for your first meal. Amp up on an endless cup of self-serve brew, or have the skilled and friendly barista whip you up a surprisingly aesthetic latte or cappuccino. The pastries are all delicious, but stock up on some Cinnamon Rolls or ‘Knuckles,’ to-go, if they haven’t been devoured yet. Omelets and egg dishes are great, and the hash browns are a perfect blend of crispy edges with flurry insides. 9/10

 

LUNCH:

I literally have nothing to strongly recommend for lunch. You’re probably beach or poolside, or adventuring somewhere around the island, so honestly, figure it out yourself.

 

However, if you’re looking for the island’s best POKE, look no further than Ishihara Market in Waimea. At $11.99/lb they offer both the freshest and best options for both traditional or lavish styles of local Poke. If Poke is your thing, hit it up and buy by the buckets.

 

DINNER:

Grass fed beef and fresh line-caught fish, let’s be honest, you came here to eat. As proud (or disappointed) as you felt when hitting the beach for the first time, you’re quietly reserved to put on about five pounds of love handles. Here’s where you’ll want to do that:

 

Rum Fire is a chic, new restaurant with nice scenic ocean views and solid food that contrast the bland, outdated exterior of the rest of the Sheraton hotel. The brussel sprouts with Portuguese sausage make for an exceptional starter, and both the surf and turf options were delicious as well. 8/10

Next door, Plantation Gardens is a nice spot for dinner, set back a couple hundred yards from the beach among a lush, tropical garden setting. You dine on a large veranda in an old sugar cane plantation house from the 1930’s, overlooking tropical plants and ponds full of bullfrogs. Both the food and service and quality, not mind blowing, but the setting makes for a great dining experience. 7/10

Undoubtedly, the best dining on the island can be found at Red Salt, directly through the lobby of the neighboring Koa Kea hotel. Everything here is outstanding. The atmosphere is slightly upscale for the island, one of the few places you’d feel underdressed in a t-shirt and shorts, but they won’t turn you away, as the hotel is a hot spot for honeymooners and party couples in their 30’s – 50’s. Everything about this place is exceptional. The service is top notch, the drinks are killer, and literally everything on the menu is to-die-for, especially the Filet Mignon. Ignore the $40-70 entrée price tags, the meal is worth every bite and its probably the only time in my life my entire dining party left spotless plates, greedy for every tasty morsel. If you’re not stuffed, try the Cheesecake, which is also exquisite. Seriously, not even a close second anywhere on the island, this place has some serious cuisine, not to be missed. 10/10

Those looking for Sunset dining options can turn to The Beach House, beautifully set along the water. Open sliding doors have you basically dining outside while throngs of wild parrots swarm the palm trees around you. I won’t lie, it’s loud and packed inside, but service was insanely fast and cocktails seemed to fly right into your hands. The Mahi-Mahi in a mushroom sauce was the best entrée of their four fresh-fish options. Again, the setting and service outshined the cuisine, but it’s a nice, albeit slightly pricy option for a sunset dinner. 7/10

The local strip mall, next to the roundabout in Kaloa offers a number of shops and dining options. Pretty much every restaurant in here is good, but Merriman’s shines with its authentic plantation-style second story atmosphere. It’s a beautiful spot to see the sunset over lush green hills and scenic coastline. The live music wasn’t great, but set a nice tone for dinner. Service was above average, as was the food, and the gratis homemade macadamia nut cookies are a nice (and tasty) touch after dinner. 8/10.